I have been meaning to write some of my memories with Chris here, but it's still so tough to think about very much! I'll start by typing what I said at his memorial, as well as I can remember...
For those of you that don't know me, I'm Chris' cousin Zach. This has been a really difficult thing to accept because for as long as I can remember, Chris has been my favorite person. Since I heard the news, life has felt consumed by a dark fog of grief - but in the moments that the fog recedes enough to feel anything else, I can recognize a powerful sense of gratitude that extends in many directions. So I'd like to take a few minutes to try to capture this gratitude and talk about a few of its dimensions that knowing, loving, and losing Chris has made me appreciate.
First, deep and lifelong gratitude toward Ronnie, Jody, and lots of other family members for providing what was in many respects a really magical childhood for us growing up. And of course to Ben, for being the indispensable final piece of countless summer camps, vacations, James Bond marathons, made up contests like Chris/Ben/Zachtonite, video game all nighters, the list goes on... even the experiences that weren't so fun at the time - like when we would cry out to our grandma that we were choking to death from cigarette smoke in the back seat, and she would give an exasperated "Oh hell!" as she reached back and swatted us with a roll of old newspapers - even those contributed to the kind of childhood that we would always look back on with a smile, and I think that this loving upbringing had a lot to do with Chris being one of the most nostalgic person I've ever known. When I think about their house in Kenmore I feel nostalgic too, because it was a very special place for me. I wasn't allowed to have video games or watch cartoons at my house, and they had all the latest and greatest stuff over there, so whenever I was visiting I felt like Scrooge McDuck diving into a pile of gold coins. Possibly my favorite childhood memory of all was when their family went behind my parents' back and bought me a Game Boy for Christmas, along with a couple games. The Legend of Zelda was really hard for me, and whenever I got stuck I would hand him the game and he would show me how to proceed. That's just one early instance of the many, many ways that I looked up to and learned from him over the years.
I am deeply grateful for everything Chris taught me. From how to wear a backwards hat to how to wear a suit. The art of bleached, spikey hair - regrettable, but made for some good pictures! Introductions to many different genres of music. How to appreciate different cultures and all different types of people. All of this has made my whole life so much richer. I remember one time, I must have been about 10 years old, and I got a new calculator and noticed that it didn't just have numbers, but also letters like sin, cos, and tan. I asked Chris what that meant, and he spent that afternoon teaching me more about trigonometry than a 15 year old reasonably should have been able to put into a thorough and approachable lesson. Around that time, I came to understand that Chris was not only the coolest person I knew, but also the nerdiest person, as well! Learning so early on that stereotypes could be broken just like that gave me permission to be myself however I want, and for that I am forever grateful as well.
I mentioned earlier about Chris appreciating other cultures - that was an understatement. He cherished them, researched them obsessively, and immersed himself in them whenever possible. He was the best person to travel with, not least because he would produce a spreadsheet on each destination that was so sophisticated and well-researched that it looked like a launch protocol for NASA mission control. He was also my favorite person to share a meal with, as he could fill the table with knowledge about the local cuisine, culture, geography, and how they interact to produce the meal you are enjoying - or he might just sit and listen to what's on your mind with equal intensity. No matter where in the world or what the occasion, you always knew that he would be good company. So he had an open invitation to anything on my calendar, and I am so grateful that for the past ten years or so he took me up on that often and we got to share some really great times, like music festivals, road trips, working from home while staying with me in New York or Chicago, the time he and Jess crashed my friend's wedding, or when he and Dennis crashed my company's holiday party (pictured) - I didn't go, and it was a small company so they couldn't blend in, but by the end everyone loved them!
Also, it seemed to me like if Chris was around, the odds that something spectacular might happen would skyrocket. Take for instance this romantic trip I had planned to Puerto Rico with a girlfriend, of course I invited Chris. We booked one night at a really beautiful hostel tucked into the side of a live volcano, surrounded by rainforest, with a huge, lush courtyard, really incredible. So Chris and I leave my lady friend there and we head into town for a Long Island Iced Tea drinking contest. Nobody won the contest, we were both losers by the end, but we stagger back to the gate of the hostel and decide to hang out for a while longer in the courtyard and drink a little water until the world stops spinning around us. Chris, in his unfailingly friendly way, introduced himself to a guy nearby and as we are all chatting, a sloth falls out of a tree and lands right in the middle of the three of us. The animal took a moment to collect itself before it began a slow crawl back to the tree, and we sat in stunned silence for a bit longer. I am grateful for all these fun, silly memories that we got to share.
If you couldn't guess, that relationship of mine didn't last, but it's ok. Chris and I saw each other through lots of imperfect relationships. Chris liked strong independent women, and it's not too hard to understand because he has had lots of strong women as role models and inspiration, especially his mother. But sometimes his love interests would veer into a little bit mean territory. So it has been such a pleasure to watch Chris and Jess be in love over these past several years. Watching the joy in their relationship and seeing the growth and transformation in both of them has been a truly beautiful thing. Thank you Jess for giving Chris your love, it meant so much to him, and you'll always be family to me.
Finally I'd like to share something that Chris said a while back that stuck with me. Over the years we met many of each others' friends, so whenever we got together we would share stories and updates about the people we knew in common. He was always very obviously proud of his people
, but this one time in particular he was just going on and on, I remember that Louie was about to get engaged, someone else was starting a business, someone else had an arts exhibition coming up, someone having a baby and there was lots more, it just went on forever. Some of it was information about our family I didn't even know yet. So I interrupted at one point and asked, "And how do you know so many interesting people that are doing all these things? And how do you know so much about everybody??" Chris paused for a beat and did his little smirk, and simply replied, "You think that's an accident?" I guess not, when you put it that way! I didn't ask any more, but I thought about it often, in part because my relationship with Chris felt so effortless and natural, and I know lots of other people felt that way too. But in fact his making connections and keeping in touch and giving and caring was no simple accident. Each of you is an important, valued piece of his intentionally full life, and I am grateful to you all for being part of it. I think we can honor that and keep Chris with us a little bit by nurturing our relationships with the people that matter.
So to my primo, my brother, my spirit animal - so long, I'll miss you, and thanks for everything, it's been really fun.